SUSPICIONS ABOUT RUNNER BEANS AND COFFEE WITH VP

Gosh! I'm lucky. VP didn't bring her axe with her.

I'm not sure whether this was in deference to the genteel ambience of Poundbury Garden Centre, or whether she forgot. But, for whatever reason, her axe wasn't to be seen and I escaped with my life.

Indeed, there was nothing to suggest she was anything other than a charming, interesting, gardener from Chippenham.

She didn't mention Saturn once.

And while I put my foot in it over and over again by saying what I don't like about other people's gardens - and what I find funny about other people's blogs - and how marvellous my own garden is even though most of it has fallen apart in the wind - VP spoke only warmly about everyone and everything.

I passed on Wilb's good wishes from Rach.

And, just as I was about to leave, I did as Karen suggested - and asked probing questions about Skimbleshanks and Jess. Are they really cats - or alien beings - disguised?

VP laughed - in an off hand 'I-know-you're-only-joking' sort of way.

(That in itself was suspicious!)

I grew apprehensive.

Suddenly - I realised!

If VP is from Saturn, would she risk meeting me on her own?

I took a quick glance round the room.

Could her cats be 'shape-shifters'?

Were Skimbles and Jess here? Disguised as humans?

The waiter?

The woman at the cash till?

I ran from the coffee shop.

Heart beating.

And bought seeds.

(Some people turn to drink - some to seeds.)

Marigolds. (Ha! Mr Subjunctive!)

Californian Poppies. (Hello Rosa Sinensis!)

Wild flowers that are supposed to grow where nothing else will. (Take that you bit of trodden ground outside my living room window!)

More Runner Beans.

(Though I'm not sure these were the right ones to chose.)

Indeed, I'm more afraid of them than I am of aliens from Saturn. (Saturnians?)

(Saturnalians? - No! That can't be right!)

According to the packet, 'Wisley Magic Beans' give 'the heaviest yields of any garden variety'.

They have 'Long, smooth, straight pods with a delicious flavour'. They have a 'long picking season'.

So - what's the catch?

If these runner beans are that good, why grow any other variety?

Will Scarlet Runners be run out of town? Forced from shops? Removed from catalogues?

Obliterated from tradition?

Did VP, Skimbles and Jess bring them from Saturn?

Will the packet explode when I open it?

Will the chicken soup be ready in time for Didcott to drink when he returns from the Mary Rose?

- Who knows?

_____

For Tomorrow