Wednesday, March 19, 2008

MRS RUSTBRIDGER AND THE CHAUFFEUR

This morning, Ming was taken away in a double-decker prison van.

While the M.O.D. police 'helped' him on board a policewoman from our local station was assigned to me.

"Double-Decker Prison Vans are a new idea," she explained enthusiastically. "They're cheaper to run than ordinary prisons - no local authority rates - and they're versatile - they can be used as tour buses if there's a dip in demand for custodial sentences."

Apparently, it's a pilot scheme for 'not-violent' but 'highly sensitive' criminals.

I said "Ming isn't a criminal. Nor has he ever struck me as highly sensitive."

He appeared at a window on the top deck, sat down - and waved.

"Hey!" I said to the policewoman. "Is there any chance you could ask him, before he goes, where he put the new packet of beetroot seeds?"

She radioed a message through.

We could see a guard walk along the deck and exchange a few sentences with Ming.

The policewoman listened into her walky-talky.

"He says he can't remember where he put the beetroot seeds," she said. "But he wants to tell you that both your children are boys - and are called Didcott and Worthing."

"They're jolly well not!" I said.

As the bus moved away, Miss Martin's chauffeur emerged from Mrs Rustbridger's porch.

"I've asked your neighbour to make you a cup of tea," he said.

Then he walked off down the road.

I went into our house, slammed the door and went straight to the airing cupboard.

I've tipped all the pots of un-germinated seeds into the rubbish bin and have replaced them with tomatoes.

This afternoon - I'm going out.

_____

3 comments:

Karen Hall said...

sorry you and Ming had a tomatoe quarrel.
Will you visit him during his incarceration?
regards
Karen
artists garden

Esther Montgomery said...

I'll have to find out where they've taken him first!

Esther

merlinprincesse said...

Poor MING!!! And you... *sniff* *dropping a tear*... BTW. You can quote me as often as you want! :)