Thursday, June 5, 2008

MESSAGE FROM MRS RUSTBRIDGER

.
THIS IS MRS RUSTBRIDGER.

I AM CONFISCATING THIS LAPTOP.

I FOUND ESTHER IN HER GARDEN, THIS MORNING, SITTING ON A BENCH NEXT TO A PILE OF DROOPY VINE SNIPPINGS AND UNABLE TO GET BACK TO THE HOUSE.

I COULD SEE HER FROM MY UPSTAIRS WINDOW.

SHE SHOULD REST AFTER A FIT.




I KNOW. I’VE BEEN HER NEIGHBOUR FOR YEARS. UNLIKE HER UPSTART HUSBAND.


SHE’S A HEADSTRONG AND ARROGANT WOMAN.


‘THEY CAN DO WITHOUT YOU!’ - THAT’S WHAT I SAY.
LET THEM READ DICKENS OR THE PEOPLE’S FRIEND.


I’LL LOOK AFTER HER GARDEN.


I’LL KEEP THE BINDWEED FROM THE BLACKCURRANTS.


I’LL TELL THAT HUSBAND OF HERS IT’S ABOUT TIME HE DUG UP HIS ONIONS AND PUT THE REST OF ESTHER’S RUNNER BEANS IN THEIR PLACE.


BUT I WON’T TOUCH THE MARE’S TAIL OR THE CLUMPS OF IRRLEVENT GRASS OR THE BUTTERCUPS OR THE CINQUE FOIL.


LAST YEAR, SHE CULTIVATED A FREE STANDING NETTLE AND INVITED US TO ADMIRE IT. I’LL REFUSE TO WATER NONSENSE LIKE THAT BUT I‘LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO ABOUT GREENFLOES ON HER HONEYSUCKLE.


SHE’LL SLEEP TILL MONDAY.


I’LL SEE TO THAT TOO!


HER HOUSE IS KNEE HIGH IN WASHING UP AND WASTE HIGH IN DUST AND THE POST HASN’T BEEN OPENED FOR DAYS.


ANOTHER THING FOR ME TO CATCH UP ON.


AS IF I HADN’T ENOUGH TO DO IN MY OWN HOUSE!


SHE’S GRATEFUL OF COURSE BUT ANXIOUS.


SHE WANTS ‘LINKS’, WHATEVER THEY ARE, TO BE PUT IN A ‘COMMENT BOX’, WHATEVER THAT IS, SO SHE KNOWS WHO VISITS WHILE SHE’S SLEEPING AND CAN POP ROUND AND SEE EVERYONE WHEN SHE WAKES UP.


NOW SHE’S MUTTERING ABOUT PLAVS LEAVING PLING ON HER PATH. SHE SAYS I’LL KNOW IT IF I SEE IT.


IF I SEE IT I’LL BIN IT WHATEVER IT IS. I CAN TELL YOU THAT.


YOURS SINCERELY


EMMELINE RUSTBRIDGER (MRS)
_ _ _ _ _

15 comments:

Barbee' said...

Hello, Esther. No need to pop over here. I just want to leave my calling card so you will know I was here. Rest well, sweet friend.

Zoë said...

Oh dear! Wave a hanky out the bedroom window (avoiding the Rector of course) if you need rescuing from the Laptop snatcher!

Get well soon Esther, she does have a point ..... rest.

I am always being told that too, do I listen ... do I heck as like!

Warm wishes,

Zoë

PS

If you click peoples names in blue that will take you to see their blogs anyway.

Nancy said...

Thank you Mrs. Rustbridger.

Hi Esther, it's me, the gimpy gal from Houston.

Take care, dear.

http://nancysgardenspot.blogspot.com

artistsgarden said...

Hi Esther, be gentle to yourself, and rest.
Karen

HappyMouffetard said...

You take care of Esther, Mrs Rustbridger. You should water the nettle - it's good to have a few plants with 'attitude' in a garden (I suppose the Rambling Rector has more than enough attitude for any garden).

Weeping Sore said...

How dare somebody "refuse to water that nonsense"! I'm coming around to the idea that since I often can't grow what I want, I'm better off cultivating what wants to grow where I can enjoy it. Nettles aren't nonsense in my climate - they're survivors.
I'm glad I found your quirky blog. Anybody can blog about their lovely flowers and vegetables. I find more enjoyment reading about how gardeners tackle the bigger metaphysical problems like being too tired to come in from the garden and rest in this busy season.

Mr. McGregor's Daughter said...

It's so easy to overdo it at this time of year. What you need is several days of all-day rain to keep you indoors. Don't all gardeners have tons of unwashed laundry & dishes that need washing up? Or is it just the gardeners with kids? I need Mrs. Rustbridge to come visit my house with a mop & a bucket. Take care, Ester.

Pomona Belvedere said...

Sounds like a very serious collapse if your mail and dishes are piling up. I never have stuff like that happen at my house ;). And fortunately, I live far enough away that you're not likely to call me on that. Rest is good! You can imagine more plant combinations...

themanicgardener said...

Son #2 gave me a pin for my birthday that says "A clean house is proof of a wasted life."
--Kate

rosa said...

Esther it sounds like you need a long vacation. Chuck it all and come to Santa Cruz! I've got a bed waiting for you.

garden girl said...

Esther, it was good of Mrs. Rustbridger to provide an update. I hope you'll soon be feeling better.

Esther Montgomery said...

Dear Everyone

Thank you for all your messages after the fit I had last week.

I agree about 'plants with attitude' and about plants choosing their own place.

My little patch of self-seeded clover is happily flowering away where the ground was too dry and down-trodden for anything else - it knew where it could be happy - and settled in of its own accord!

Weeping Sore - (And that's a name with 'attitude' if ever there was one!) I'm so glad you like 'Esther in the Garden'. Your own blog isn't exactly run-of-the-mill itself. (Though meta-physics run rife!)

To those who mention the accumulation of washing up and general inevitability of getting behind with the housework - we have a notice which says 'This house is clean enough to be healthy - grubby enough to be happy'.

But there comes a moment when the balance tips towards listeria and dysentery. I think we're almost there!

Thanks and best wishes to everyone.

I'll be catching up with you soon!

Esther

Esther Montgomery said...

Rosa - wouldn't it be fun to visit!

I think I might have to wait for global cooling first though.

The temperatures here have gone over 70 degrees and I'm wilting.

California would probably do me in completely!

Esther

Philip Bewley said...

Dear Mrs. Rustbridger,
Thank you for taking care of Esther after having one of her fits(Esther, not you having one of hers) When when you could spare a moment, could you see to things here? Unfortunately, we have nothing but mares tale and cinquefoil, all a spendid crop of irrelevant grass. Now, I will have to agree with you about the nettle...Eyeore lived in a whole patch of them and he was one who certainly needed a little pick me up!We just throw the dishes and laundry every which way in the garden and turn on the sprinkler.
Yours Truly,
Philip

Esther Montgomery said...

Dear Mr Bewley

Thank you for your message.

I think I will hide it from Esther, though.

I once overheard her mentioning to her non-descript husband that Eeyore and I have rather a lot in common so I would be reluctant to open the topic. Esther would probably think it funny to suggest I drink nettle tea.

(Do you find this - that people with limited imaginations often find the most trivial of matters unreasonably humourous? I do.)

And as to throwing the washing and the plates all over the garden and turning on the sprinkler! If it weren't for her almost maniacal obsession with saving water, that is precisely the kind of idea she would enjoy following up. So I won't mention that either, if you don't mind.

No-one ever understands what I have to put up with, living next to the Montgomery family.

And their milkman is almost as bad. A few weeks ago, I found him in her shed, piling old milk-bottles into one of her wheelbarrows. The next day, he stuck a whole load more in the ground. Poor man. I suppose he thought they would grow.

(I pity his cows!)

Your sincerely

Emmeline Rustbridger (Mrs)